Usually I buy apples from the supermarket and they end up sitting in the fridge for weeks without being eaten, bananas I find too mushy, raisins sometimes taste a little funny, grapes aren’t so kind on my tummy…There you go, I’m picky. So, when Ultra Body turned up I realised they had all my snacking problems figured out. With a snack bar range designed to make you ooh and ahh over the fruit selections (I had never tried plum and apricot together), the easiness of getting a bit of nutrition in you is quite astonishing. You don’t need to fight through a sticky apple or blush at the way you might look chomping on a banana *ahem*.

Perfect for just carrying around and filling you up when your tummy grumbles in a particularly busy couple of hours at work, things like “minimum 90% fruit” written on the packets make you feel like you’re really being good to yourself rather than kidding your way through a salad with more salt than a McDonald’s fry. Plus, this is what they are…snacks. A Wispa bar will only fill a small space for a short time, and then you want more chocolate. These fruity wonders fill and fill and fill, whilst giving you the portions of nutrition you really need. My favourite snack was the Fruitus chewy bites with raspberry, a fruit I usually avoid because of its tanginess. A packet full of small squares couldn’t possibly be one of my 5 a day could it? Well, yes it is…and they taste delicious!

The best thing about these packs is the fact they involve Grizzly Bars, a chewy fruit and cereal bar. I remember these treats from my primary school tuck shop, where I’d queue with my friends whilst playing ‘Fairies’ for the choice between one of those or a small packet of digestive biscuits with my break-time milk carton. They’re perfect for breakfast, particularly when you’re running late and the only option is to snaffle on the tube ride in. Plus, as I can keep mentioning time and time again, they’re GOOD for you! I’m giving you this piece of advice now, and I’m challenging you to try something new. Put down the bag of Minstrels, leave the Crunchie on the shelf and try out something that will benefit you in the long run. After all, all men’s gains are the fruit of venturing ;)

This plastic looking contraption lets you play the music from your iPod as an alarm. Now i know what you’re thinking, yes Apple released their own ages ago, but these copies from Edifier actually look like alarm clocks and are considerably cheaper. The one hunch I have with them is that I dislike buying products that look too plastic, and these unfortunately do. Having a habit of dropping things, tacky plastic just doesn’t cut it for me and these look like they might be easily breakable. Putting that aside they still look pretty funky in a range of colours (including pink and white), with the speakers cleverly disguised as the bells giving 360° sound. Weirdly the snooze feature allows you to sleep for an extra 9 minutes rather than 5 or 10, but who are we to complain? So if you, like me, are sick to the gills of blips and beeps then this clock might be the option for you. Snap one up for £39.95 at Firebox.com as they’re selling like hot cakes.

2) CLOCKY

This little cutie is one alarm clock that you could never be mad at, unless you don’t like running around after it trying to switch it off in your birthday suit. For us that don’t mind a challenge first thing in the morning this might be the clock to get your pulses racing, ready for a brand new shiny day. Excited much? Affectionately known as ‘Clocky’, it lovingly welcomes you to a new morning and gives you one chance to get out of bed before it rolls off your bedside table and finds a hiding place, beeping persistently as it goes. Clever Clocky. A new hiding space every day makes sure you’re given a bit of cognitive training before you set off to work but something tells me it might set a new trend of exhaustion amongst the late risers. You have to get out of bed to turn it off, and I’m guessing by that time you’re too pissed off to get back into bed so you might as well go on your merry way. Nevertheless it’s very cute and you can even buy them with fur on, think mini Chewbacca, but be warned…it will not wait around for you. Get used to chasing it around, and try chasing them up at clocky.co.uk for £29.99, batteries not included.

3) RUBIK’S CUBE WITH THERMOMETER

Bring back the 80’s! You totally know you want to, and you should, because this clock is great when it comes to retro fun. Unlike the real Rubik’s cube, this one won’t take you most of your childhood to complete, and you even know the temperature whilst you’re figuring it out! What more can you possibly want?! Turning off the alarm only takes one simple twist, returning to clock mode, and you can go about your day knowing you’ve had your daily 80’s fix. It might not match your bedroom decor, but it’s cute enough to forgive…and at least this one stays sat on your bedside table. Fetch one for $22 at fredflare.com.

4) THE LIFE TIMER

This clock is the ultimate of all alarm clocks so I’ve saved it until last. It not only controls the time you get out of bed, but manages the most important days and times of your life. The usual Birthdays, Holidays, and events are saved into its memory but it also reminds you of the simple things, for example: How many hours are left until hometime, the last date you got a little bit of ‘cuddlingus’, and how long you’ve been with your shweetie-pie. The clock face is surrounded with little buttons, aptly pictured and related to different aspects of your life so all you need to do is press and find out how many minutes it is until you get to pour your break-time coffee down your neck. If later on in life you do manage to get lucky, just press the button according to your situation and re-set the dates so you can watch the days tick by again. Oh, such is life. Order it for £14.95 at iwantoneofthose.com

I think we still have that somewhere, but after 5 years of not keeping it up to date it’s probably useless. Now I’m doing a Film Studies module at Uni, where my love of movies is getting greater by the day. I’m beginning to download, I mean buy films every day and have found a new obsession with Memento, adding it to my ultimate favourites where Garden State and Eternal Sunshine sit proud.

The first film we watched in Lectures was Psycho, an absolute classic in my opinion, which prompted me to discover more Hitchcock masterpieces. My Dad’s always been a big fan and encouraged me to get interested in it! So how impressed was I when Vanity Fair brought out these fantastic pictorial remakes of classic Hitchcock movies? Very! They’re not only beautiful, but they stick to Hitchcock’s very unique style without diminishing it. Jodie Foster’s in particular sticks out for me purely because of the colours, magical…

It’s not actually in the Dome itself but rather has it’s own tent to the side, past the arena where the Spice Girls were gracing the stage that night, and inside was a collection of places to explore. There’s a side tent with some wacky art on display and plenty of African wine and liquor on sale :) Despite waiting a while to actually get in the main tent the show was definitely worth it and there was so much to see!

Our seats were pretty much 2 metres away from the circular stage so it felt like the performers were right in front of us, albeit i might have preferred it if the contortionists didn’t feel so close! They were the most freaky of the show, one guy pushed himself through a tennis racket with the help of a coca cola bottle which he put into the gap underneath his ribs as he pulled everything inwards eek! These people must be made of rubber or something because the next woman managed to bend her back in half, her actual back, which is primarily made of bone.. You can search for her on YouTube to see what i’m talking about, shes called Lunga and is seriously the bendiest person i have ever seen! Some questions arose about how much fun she could have with that talent but i’ll leave that up to your imagination!

Next were the men on unicycles playing basketball, and using skipping ropes to hop on the cycles too. I’d never have enough stamina but these men were riding around in circles and dunking as if they were playing on their feet.. Some breakdancers made an appearance too, which i think was supposed to provide an insight into the new kind of Africa which exists in the generations today but maybe they’re just really good at that over there too! The tribal dancers made you want to move and i often found myself nodding my head at various times, but that was soon deterred by the man next to me and his sometimes annoying enthusiasm. I guess you can only hear “oh yeah!” “woooo” “wooooooaaaaahhh!” so many times before wanting to shake those expressions out of the very person speaking them. Or maybe i was a little too cranky about having to wait to get in as well as pay £2.50 for a bottle of Pepsi? Anyway, the gymnasts helped me block out the mans excitement as we all sat on the edge of our seats scared in case one of them put one foot wrong and re-arranged a face. The skin tight lycra shorts in all the colours of the rainbow were distracting, as as Simon put it, ‘kind of cringeworthy’. Not the sort of thing he’d appreciate for Christmas then. but maybe he would like a pair of sparkly flares the very short trapeze artist was wearing? He got a wolf whistle from a (male) member of the audience for that brave outfit. Umm Rik Flair called, he thinks he’s missing a costume piece.

Overall Afrika! Afrika! was definitely worth the visit and would have been worth the money if we had actually paid for it :) There are no animals involved, only paper mache ones, so if you’re like me and refuse to go to circuses with animals then this one is certain to be enjoyed. Also, if the irrational fear of clowns seems to grip you then fear no longer, not a clown in sight! Although the lycra may leave you feeling a little queasy. So if you’ve got a spare weekend i’d advise spending it watching a piece of culture, one that absolutely deserves it’s exclamation marks.

There were funny sides to the abuse however! As we returned from a well partied Thursday night at the Oxfam Tent we got to our campsite’s Rave Tent only for Stacey to inform us some people were lying on the floor, eyeballs rolling, hands down pants, getting..well, themselves off quite frankly. Such a sight to see! Watching people spaced out, rolling around the floor trying to squash an invisible kid called Nigel and talking about fire fairies is just as fun as doing it yourself. The rave tents were fun until you start to get a bit sick of the pure noise they kept pumping out, and the Duracell tent looked to be an epileptics worst nightmare. Ironically the worst DJ in the world decided to spin Faithless’ Insomnia at 5am, prompting me to scream that yes “I CAN’T GET NO SLEEP”, falling on deaf ears..obviously.

So on Friday it all kicked off and i finally got started on this wonderful tan I’ve been plotting all summer! Turns out my skin hates me though so all I’ve got is a chav tan on my neck and two peeling shoulders. I spotted my friend Tammy in the crowd and she thankfully singed the ends of my wristband off to stop it scratching my face (they seem to make them for people with really really fat wrists?!). She also gave me a Urinelle as a present, in case i needed to do wee wee. I was rather thankful for that, although they’re made of paper..paper and wee don’t seem to mix in my head! Still, it’s better than having to squat over the holes in the ground, afraid that your decision between getting shit on your arse or on your hand might not have been the right one. I discovered that the queues for food weren’t worth it unless it was for a baked potato, which were the best i have ever eaten! The whole weekend was worth £150 purely for the biggest and filling packed snacks known to man.

The bands were good, not a very bold statement for such a big music festival, but only a few bands shone through for me. One in particular, Maximo Park. They’re not a band i listened to regularly before Leeds, in fact hardly at all, but they impressed me so much I’m considering actually buying their albums. The whole band had so much stage presence, and didn’t have their faces on 8ft screens behind them *cough*Razorshite*cough*. Despite being pushed around i had so much fun listening to them, which made it worth my while since i was only there to get to the front for Kings of Leon, i even had a little dance to myself! The Kings of Leon boys were…well, marry me? Listening to their set, i had one of those girly moments where you imagine you know them and they dedicate a song just for you, right in front of thousands of people. That happened in my head as Caleb (who, by the way, looks drool worthy nowadays!) sang that he would be on call to be there for me..Seriously though, KOL were my band of the weekend, and I’ve not stopped listening to them since i got back.

The little shops were interesting, and it was fun to see people walking round with sleeves pulled over their shoulders, waving air over their klaxons henna tattoos. At least it’s not there forever? I was still in shock that anyone could charge a fiver for a paper plate of noodles, which is not like me because i buy shoes..expensive ones.

I feel that the Smashing Pumpkins deserve their own paragraph, purely for Billy’s sheer brilliance. I’ve only been a fan for 2 years or so, and on first listening i vowed to call my firstborn daughter Lily, but never have i loved this band more than at Leeds. As Billy and the others walked onstage they were met by a thunderous applause, so many smiling faces happy to see them make history, and his face lit up. For a moment i thought Melissa had joined them as a surprise and i got a little excited, but it was only a very good look alike. Billy stayed smiling throughout the hour and a half set, totally focused on what he was doing and giving every song his all. I was pleased to see that he was wearing stripey knee socks, still in with the festival fashion even after being away so long! With or without the crazy clothing preferences, he croaked (in a good sense) his way through ‘Disarm‘, giving me goosebumps in a way I’ve never known before. It was the sort of gig where you have to close your eyes for a few seconds every now and then just to take it all in, and I’m sure there was a collective shiver from everyone watching when Billy howled “today is the greatest day I’ve ever known“. I reckon this might have been the first and last time i see the Pumpkins live but my god do i feel privileged to have seen them at Leeds.

We got special Guest wristbands to wear, though i was disappointed to not receive a VIP lanyard like the press people did, and tried to make our way to the VIP bar. After being shown the direction to practically every bar in the entire house, we finally found the right one and sat down to enjoy our free wine! I was half expecting caviar on brunchetta-like wafers as canapes because the waiters and waitresses were dressed really smartly, but instead Film 4 didn’t make it snobbish (thank god because I’m a hopeless snob) and they handed out mini veggie nut burgers with chutney, mini vegetable cutlets, little strips of crumbed chicken with BBQ sauce, and mini ringed donuts! The refills were plenty and there were a few celebs mingling around, albeit most of them were Z list.

I got over the fact i didn’t have a lanyard and embraced my yellow wristband, showing it off to everyone who didn’t have one. If i wasn’t so mature for my years i would have stuck my tongue out, teasing “nah nah you haven’t got one, i have!”. Walking through the House we discovered that the VIPs had their very own roped off area to the side of the courtyard, and within an hour the whole place was covered in a sea of red Film 4 picnic blankets (which we later found out we could have taken home if we wanted to). Two teenage kids ran in and dumped a bin bag full of pillows and cushions on the floor, pouncing on top of them, which i didn’t mind too much as one pillow had a Chelsea FC cover on it. Also the DJ (who looked extraordinarily like Frank from Shameless..) was pumping out some quite good songs, and a few people were dancing, which provided a bit of entertainment before the film started! Then the sky seemed to get dark really quickly and the ‘Film 4 Summer Screen at Somerset House’ notice flickered on the massive cinema screen above us.

We were treated to a few rolling spotlights here and there, and a bloke who i presume was the Chief Director of Film 4 appeared on the DJ stand. He introduced a short link from the Director of the film and we all snuggled down to watch it. About half an hour in cramp began to set in as we were squashed against people at all angles! If anything i would have stretched myself out as much as possible before anyone else plonked themselves down next to us. The film was really funny, a bit emotional in some places, and the weather stayed dry all the way through the evening. So two and a half hours later we all sat up to leave, legs stretched out, coats on, hair kinked in various places, and grabbing the free Film 4 Ponchos branded with “Always wear protection”!

Giving up for most of today i had a little look again this afternoon and realised that the mistake i had made was bunching a load of letters together by accident, instead of re-reading and making them into two separate words. So i’ve finally got the hidden message :) I’m no spoiler so i wont post the message on here, but i’ll encourage you to read the novel and find the message for yourself. You won’t regret it.

I’m reading ‘The Tenth Circle’, which is the most recent of her collection, and it’s full of topics that make me want to read further into them. Dante’s Inferno, for example, is a text i have never considered reading in my life. Who wants to read about the depths of Hell? But after reading about a character’s passion for it, i became more interested and Monday morning i’m marching to the library to find a copy!

Now after crying, shouting, eeking, and crying some more throughout ‘The Pact’ (in my opinion Picoult’s most amazing novel) i was impressed at how she manages to make her readers want to research more about her stories. As soon as i had finished reading it i was straight on Google checking out the US legal system, wondering how the hell the ending had worked out! I was a quivering wreck, not being able to put her book down for 3 days and when finally getting to the end of the story, crying so hard that snot actually poured out of my nose. Attractive..

Anyway, the thing i found out in ‘The Tenth Circle’ is that the common fact that Yup’ik Eskimo’s have 100 words for snow is actually fiction! Eskimos, or Inuits, have the same amount of words as we do. Phil James claims on his site to list all 100 names, but most are misused or even made-up. Picoult spent time living with a family in Alaska in order to get the soul of her novel just right; she even acknowledges her hosts in her thankyou’s.

So Picoult tells us that if you look to the roots of the Yup’ik language, you’ll find that they only have 15 ways of saying Snow:

quanuk (snowflake)
kanevvluk (fine snow)
natquick (drifting snow)
nevluk (clinging snow)
qanikcaq (snow on the ground)
muruaneq (soft, deep snow on the ground)
qetrar (crust on top of snow)
nutaryuk (fresh fallen snow)
qanisqineq (snow floating on water)
qengaruk (snowbank)
utvak (snow block)
navcaq (snow cornice)
pirta (snowstorm)
cellallir (blizzard)
pirrelvag (severely storming)

But don’t ask me how the heck you pronounce all of those!