In Sadness and In Joy
Posted by charley on December 18th, 2008
A lot of things have been pointing at me to write about marriage recently, something which I didn’t want to write about until I had some experience! However, experience isn’t everything.
My family is a large one, we’re loud and have funny accents in some parts, but what I have noticed is the amount of marriages we have had. I’ve been bridesmaid for both of my female cousins and their husbands, and what lovely days they were! I got to be part of the day where each couple declared their love officially and promised to stay together for the rest of their lives. I come from a Christian family so my cousins didn’t live together before they got married, which really says something. Amongst their religious belief that they weren’t to live together beforehand, they must have been in ‘that place’ to pretty much know that they could spend the rest of their lives together without experiencing living with each other. Things like that make me feel so good about marriage, the romantic aspects and actually seeing them work in front of your eyes. It has to be a wonderful thing doesn’t it?
When I was younger I wanted to marry Bryan from Westlife, and look how he’s turned out! Then it progressed to sweaty rockers with black hair, Joey Jordison…Tomas Holopainen…even Jared Leto for flips sake! I’m 21 now and have so many things I want to do in my life, but a girl can dream right? I love knowing that my boyfriend is the guy I want to spend my life with, the guy I want to make more than a boyfriend, the guy I want to start a family with when the time comes. Isn’t it amazing to know that someone loves you that much to declare that to everyone you know?
Back to Bryan from Westlife, his marriage didn’t work out so well right? Well, not knowing much about their relationship at all I don’t really have an opinion on it, but my guess is that they just didn’t work at it very well. After all, relationships aren’t all fun and games. There are hard times when you just can’t agree on things and maybe realize you aren’t on the same par with each other, but you work through it right? I’m so sure it can make your whole world feel like it’s crashing down when disagreements arise, and having forgiven a boy when I was in my teens who pretty much took me for a fool, I can hold a pretty good grudge and most of the time feel like giving up at the first hurdle. If we all did that, however, there would be no marriages for life. People are different and opposites attract, but I’ve always believed you must never take the easy way out. If, on that one day, you declared to love and cherish for the rest of your life, you must have meant it? People must grow with each other, not away from.
I was particularly angered by this man’s blog: http://badmarriageblog.blogspot.com/
He pretty much gives the reasons why it was a mistake to marry his wife, and blames it on the fact his wife changed after giving birth to their daughter. He was angry that his wife had become a ’stranger’ and states: “Stranger was given the opportunity many times to change back to Wife and it never happened”. If I had been in that relationship, I would have felt betrayed. You make a vow ‘for better for worse’ right? You face your disappointments and you work on them to make your dreams, and then you kick the problems to the gutter!
I’ve come to the conclusion that if you see something negatively, it will become negative for you and the other people it involves, a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy if you will. This is why you work through it and make sure your relationship doesn’t fail, no matter how many times you have seen it fail for other people. If you love someone so much to marry them, never let them go because of silly reasons. After all, Virgil knew what he was talking about when he said “Love conquers all”.